This Christmas season I was blessed (but honestly felt like cursed at the time) enough to have what I can only describe as my own real life It's A Wonderful Life experience. Like George Bailey, and without going into any details of exactly how or what happened, I basically lost my life for a time.
Everything I loved, everything I held dear, my whole world... GONE.
What I did not know before this experience was the sheer abject terror that you actually have to go through, the actual experience of it being really and seemingly irrevocably gone, in order to see what George Bailey sees at the end... in order to truly LOVE every stinking little detail you took for granted like it was the rarest most precious gem on earth. I did not know—and I'm someone who thinks a lot about such things. I had no f-ing idea.
When you watch things like that, when you imagine it, it's nothing even remotely CLOSE to the actual experience of that. I thought I could appreciate how horrible that would be... I couldn't.
But I can now.
and I DO.
dear gawd, I really DO.
But just like in the movie, my life was given back. It was real, but unreal, it didn't actually get taken. It was a glimpse.
And just like in the movie, my "ordinary life" with all of its problems and challenges suddenly shined like the sweetest most incredible glory this world has ever known...from the smallest littlest thing like a low balance bank notice on your phone, to the sound of the dog snoring... to the dirty floor boards and the broken dishwasher handle... the clutter in the living room... the people, and the home and life you know and love.
I was running down the streets of my mind shouting, "Merry Christmas movie house!! Merry Christmas Emporium!! Merry Christmas you wonderful old building and loan!! ... what's that? Yes, I know, I'm broke and I'm going to jail, ISN'T IT WONDERFUL??!!"
It was all new again—every astoundingly beautiful, rotten little thing—all new and all old at once. My whole life. This story that's mine and only mine is MAGNIFICENT in a way that could never be described or truly captured by the pen, stage, or screen. And so is yours.
If you have never had an experience like this, I hope you never do. It is (as depicted in books and film) a living hell...
but it sure does its job revealing heaven.
Some do not get it back.
Eventually we all do not get it back.
Take stock, my love.
Take stock of the wonders, NOW.
Don't wait. Let your heart feel it all in a way you've never dared to.
Meet your life and fall in love all over again.
Be new, and know your