Today, it feels as though the other shoe has dropped. The one that's been hanging around, forever. And of course, that's only NOW.
I've seen the truth of the illusion... so clearly so, that it left only AWE in its wake. And yet...the illusion is here. The images, the thoughts, they dance their dance and they ask for no permission.
They are life...witnessing itself, loving itself. What it's knowing itself as, is its own preciousness. It will not turn away from itself. Not from its ugliness, nor its beauty. Not for long. It will have itself. ALL OF ITSELF, in the end.
How that showed up today was this image of this chubby girl. This "sunni" girl who's been fighting her 'fat' self image since FOREVER. Running from it, hiding from it, trying to reform it, diet it, starve it, mask it, throw it up, keep it under wraps... EVERYTHING. It's just an IMAGE. It's not personal. It's not a "me", but ironically, it is me... an image and expression of THIS that IS, and it will have itself. All of itself.
It will not shut anything out. How could it?? How could it when it is the ONLY that IS? So she was outed. This image.
It was time for the image to come home. Without the story, there is only love.
Nobody ever loved her, not even "herself", the whole WORLD could love her (and all of her amazingly gorgeous and incredibly loving family and friends who apparently do) but she doesn't know of that. She knows nothing of that except a thought. Love is not something that can be given or received, it is a KNOWING, it doesn't come or go, and believing that keeps me from the realization that Love is what I AM. Not 'me' - but everything. It sounds callous, but it's actually the complete opposite.
Love is the truth that hasn't MOVED, not once, not EVER.
It is the truth that's always here, even as the story goes on hiding it. It is NEVER, ever, lost. It takes the shape of EVERYTHING, there's not a single exclusion anywhere. How could there be??
What is perceived as "ugliness" is the hiding place of truth. No matter what "type" of ugliness. Be it physical or behavioral. Love is what is hiding there.
When "ugliness" shows up in the many mirrors of Life... it is as if it asks... "is this where you draw the line of yourself? Is this where you end, and the war begins? Is this where this splits all apart?" And how does that feel? It hurts like hell, that's how it feels. Because it isn't true, and I know it.
Respect, admiration, adoration, love of "others", these are shadows on the wall. They are not needed! They are disguises of the truth. Total love, completeness, and wonder is already here. At all times, even as seeming incompleteness. 'Thought' won't go there, but it's true.
There is no self to be discovered, denied, healed, embraced, or released. But the thoughts and images of one will continue to be here. All they want to do is come home. And really... not that either. They ARE home. Now you see it, now you don't. ;) That's what life does.
Forever playing hide and seek. As the story of "my life". What do I get for holding the belief that: "I need to love my image. I need to love myself" ?? I get to stay in the story. I get to feel like a separate somebody who needs to defend against life. I get to keep "specialness" or "unspecialness" alive as a means to individuate. And individuation is war. Because it's defense. It keeps me from the incredible beauty and love that is THIS-HERE-NOW. As no-thing and everything! When I hold this belief, I get to have a future. I get to have a self to improve, to fix, to perfect. I get to have some 'state' to achieve. I get to have another thing to potentially fail at, because if I can't love my self image as-is, then I've lost — all over again.
And without the belief?...
Peace, already. Freedom, already. A calm and shimmering sweetness, right now. A sense of wonder and total acceptance of all things. No waiting. No future. No separate self. An incredible love emerges from that, and it's totally "self" less. It is a love that knows itself as the "other". No giving or receiving required. Just the pure knowing of what was always, ALREADY HERE.
It is totally free. It is the heart of all being.
The beautiful, eternally blooming, heart of all being.