I realized an essential distinction the other day, in regards to UNDERSTANDING — and where that understanding is coming from.
I was riding in the truck with my husband and son, on our way to our favorite coastal camping spot, and I raised a question to both of them, in the hopes of sparking an internal "looking" that we could all share in together. But instead, it began to take on the quality of a debate, rather than the quality of an inner-exploration, which was what I had intended. Of course, a debate is simply an exploration of a different kind, that's all. But not the kind I wanted at that moment.
I love that. As frustrating as it sometimes is — I get what I NEED, not what I want.
What I needed in that moment was to see that I didn't need them to explore that realm with me, I needed me to. And I didn't need them to agree with me or see it the way I saw it, I really just needed me to. I love that I am at the point in my life, where I can't get away with that anymore. Every single time I try to seek external validation from anyone or thing outside of myself, Grace kicks it back into my court, saying "oh no you don't… you have to know this for yourself, or you will never know it — not for real." So I came back to myself, and of course… I found what I was really looking for. *smile*
A couple hours later as I was reflecting back on the conversation, I realized that the reason the conversation had gone that way, was because my husband and son were trying to answer the question with, and understand the question from, the place of MIND, not from the place of HEART. Not from that central place between mind and heart, that's in us all. And as they began to defend their positions from their MIND, I began (in my need for them to understand me at the time) to try to make them understand using my MIND. At which point the whole thing became completely confusing and pointless for all three of us.
Now, as I sit on the other side of that event, I see that there are certain things that only the heart can understand. Or what we call, the place of heart. Certain things are beyond the realm of mind, and can't be understood using mind alone.
Certain understandings come from a whole other place, and when you try to touch, or explain them with mind alone — the truth that you once felt so real and vivid and absolute — is lost.
The result is that people waste hours, days, decades and LIFETIMES trying to convince eachother with MIND, and with concepts, and all that comes out of it is an endless spiral of confusion.
It is my experience that the TRUTH, as it is for me, is a felt place. It is a deep resonance in my Being. A putting together of pieces that fit, and leave me with a whole picture that simply whispers: "Yes" or maybe, "Oooh, YES! Of course!"
It makes a deep and perfect sense, and yet it is hard to explain — with Mind. Kind of like trying to explain love, right?
There are some things that Grace has built to be untouchable by MIND alone. So that we'll be forced to return to our own true nature, to the place of heart — and know the difference. It's like a built-in safety net, so that we can never get too totally lost out there without it hurting like hell from allthat confusion, and thus driving us back to the source.
Sometimes I forget that some don't yet remember how to speak the language of the heart, or how even to "go there" and check in with it. Our society values traditional intelligence far more than the intelligence of the heart or the pure consciousness that created and IS this vast universe — no "brains" required. I mean I understand it, it wasn't long ago that I couldn't "go there" either! But once you feel that distinction for yourself, you just can't go back. It's like you've moved to another country and learned to speak the language so well, that it became the norm for you. But then one day, on a busy street, you hear someone speaking your native tongue and it stops you dead in your tracks, and takes you right home in that instant — like a flood of cellular memory.
This language of the heart, or of the soul, or whatever you want to call it… is an understanding that comes from the center, not from the head. It is the natural state of all beings, but it has been largely lost to the language of the MIND. What seems to be happening now, is that more people are returning to their natural state, their natural language… they are hearing the call from some place deeper, and they are following that call — INWARD.
What I learned from this situation with my husband and son, is that I never need to make anyone understand. If I am feeling the stress of believing that I do need to make them understand, than all that means is that I am in my MIND, coming from that place, and wondering why it hurts so much. It hurts because I've left my natural state (the heart & soul place) and gone north to a place that is now empty for me (the mind-alone place).
It is always and only ever my OWN heart that I'm wanting to come home to. My OWN understanding that I am wanting to feel and experience. When I am in that space, I look at my husband and son with total love and adoration as they animatedly share their opinions and viewpoints with me, and there is no "problem" whatsoever. The problem comes when I think they should understand, and they don't in that moment. THEN my mind has created a problem.
Nobody should understand before they DO. Nobody can "make" anyone understand from the place of heart or soul, it is an inner-experience that will be had by everyone in their own way, on their own time, and according to their own unique path. Trying to override that only results in pain and confusion for you, and pain and confusion for them.
Besides, isn't it always the case that when you have a deep and profound understanding in yourself, and then you try to talk about that or share it with someone else that it kind of kills the experience for you, or takes away from the beauty of it — even if just a little bit? It doesn't mean you don't share, it just means you know that it's FOR YOU, not for them. It's always, just for you. Then it becomes the sweetest experience just to let yourself have your realization and then act and BE from the place of that knowing.
That is truly the greatest reward. I mean think about it. Think about the last time you had a big "Ah Ha" kind of moment, was it sweeter when you later told someone else about it, or was it sweeter when you first deeply realized it for yourself?? For me the latter is always true.
It's lovely to have resonance with others, of course it is! But it's not what we're really after, what we're really and only-ever truly after is the knowing, and the holding of that knowing, within ourselves.
Only peace and true understanding can lead-to and influence more peace and true understanding, just like MIND-stuff and trying to convince can only lead to more MIND-stuff and trying to convince. Everything's a cycle. So let's begin with what we really want to continue.